“…But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13
Last year was a very hard year for me; I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil and brokenness. Years of wounds left open began to bleed, and it was hard just telling myself to keep breathing. But through it all, Yeshua (Jesus) was there. Through every moment where I felt hopeless, He was there.
I remember, one day, after a hard two weeks of feeling stuck in one place, I pulled myself up out of bed and said, “You will either change or you’re going to die.”
I broke down and cried out to God, asking for His presence. I needed and craved His love more than anything. So, I began to release my pain. The more and more I released and gave to Him, the more I felt His lovingness envelop me. It was the feeling of being surrounded by warm, heavy air; it was as if a cloud of comfort was hugging me. I came out of that moment with a new sense of direction that I was going to work hard to become someone I was proud of and to love myself as God loves me.
Throughout the next several months, leading into this current year, I continued to receive revelations from the Lord and was growing my character at a consistent rate. I began to seek His love more than anything; the more I felt, the more I wanted. I started to pray for the love of God to be within me, so I could reach others more than I ever have. I wanted to see God’s Kingdom on earth. As I continued to ask for His love, I could see my growth, but I still felt a distance. I couldn’t breach the gap. I didn’t know what it was or how to change; I felt and saw change and healing in my life, but I didn’t have peace.
It seems that God reveals things to me over His High Holy Days; though I hear from Him often, it’s usually something big when the Biblical Set-Apart Days are near or happening.
Yom Kippur is the highest holy day on God’s calendar; it is the time of forgiveness and mending between each other and the Lord. That day, I began praying earnestly for forgiveness for myself and others, for His love to be stretched out be released over the world.
I felt Him close during my prayer, and yet – the peace was still missing. Something, something was still missing! It began to frustrate me; I was so upset that no matter how many times I spoke forgiveness and love, I was still not feeling His peace and felt anxious and unsettled. I was still in labor and felt that the birth of breakthrough was oh, so close as I asked The Lord for Him to reveal what was missing.
God continued to speak, and I kept reaching out to others with support and love and was growing in my intimate relationship with the Lord daily. I felt closer day by day and still felt a strong lead on my heart to bring God’s love to others.
Just this past week, I awoke one morning and felt that something had shifted. When I looked in the mirror, I felt that my face looked different. It was as if overnight my physical features had shown a new side of maturity. I can’t quite explain it, but someone else saw the same thing and said it was as if a new shine was in my eyes!
That evening, I was having a special moment with God where I felt an overwhelming amount of trust over a situation that left me with peace, even though I was not getting an immediate outcome. I sat back and began to play my worship music, when all of a sudden, the Spirit of the Lord enveloped me. I was overwhelmed by the power of His love, reaching me with such intensity I was brought to tears; big, overflowing tears of joy!
And then it came… The moment I had been waiting for. The moment that Yeshua found me ready receive.
“Heidi, My love,” He said, “to love like Me, you must love all!”
These words brought me to a standstill. It was like a veil over my eyes was lifted, and I was wearing the eyes of the Lord. How can I say I love if I do not love all? It was a huge revelation; I was choosing to still hold onto things against the ones I was supposed to be speaking love over.
And at that moment, I chose love. I chose forgiveness. I chose life! All of a sudden, peace filled every gap in my aching heart, like a swollen river filling a lake. I couldn’t breathe. And suddenly, I knew what He meant.
For so long I was forgiving and trying to love with my own self. I was trying to love while still feeling the personal hurt over certain situations or people, and that’s was why my peace wasn’t there because I was still allowing my human-self to stand in the way of releasing myself and others over to Yah!
Once I began seeing through His eyes, I started to see people the way He sees them. Not with my own bias, but with the love of God. Beautiful, amazing, incredible people. Broken, hurt, lonely, frustrated, neglected, and battered; but, oh, so dearly loved people. People that need His love. People that God sees as His precious children, that He loves more than anything.
I began to weep. I felt the Lord strongly speak to me about the people who have hurt me, so I spent the night praying for some and writing to others. I prayed God’s love and blessings over them and that they would feel His love and would seek His heart! I also asked for some and writing to others. I prayed God’s love and blessings over them and that they would feel His love and would seek His heart! I also asked for forgiveness for any way I may have hurt them. It didn’t matter what they’d done to me or how I felt; I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care if at that moment they walked away and didn’t speak another word to me. The only thing that mattered was declaring His love into their lives; it meant everything to me to feel the ultimate peace in my soul to release them of my judgments and to sincerely wish God’s healing within each of their own hearts!
I had been reborn!
It is only the beginning of November, the year isn’t over yet, and I can say it has been the best year of my life thus far! It has been full of YaHoVaH/God’s graciousness, intimacy, and intense spiritual awakening!
This is only a small piece of the amazing revelations and experiences I have been having recently. The Lord is moving; we are living in exciting times! I cannot wait to see what He is going to do in the next couple of months and the following year! Big things are happening! God is softening hearts and mending broken souls!
My advice: Stop looking at people through your eyes and start looking at them through God’s. The difference between judgment and love can change hearts and minds!
Everything stands on one thing: