When you get pregnant for the first time, it’s exciting. For me, I wanted to buy clothes and plan parties. However, no one prepared me for the challenges of parenting. You’re kind of thrown into it. Sometimes you sink, sometimes you swim, and sometimes you walk on water.
As of late, it feels like I’m barely staying afloat. My son is two, and he’ll be three in April 2020. He is wild, energetic, kind, and a runner. Just last night, I had a church friend and leader call my son and me out. Per usual, I was trying to get him to listen because we were leaving, and my son decided he wanted to run. This was normal for me. At this point, I expect him not to listen, so I wait. Well, this leader stopped what he was doing and pointed out that Zorin, my two-year-old, had a listening problem. So, he gathered up his daughter, who is three, and my son Zorin and had a talk with them about listening. Apparently, he and his daughter are superheroes. Superheros are strong, and they listen to their mommies. My son wanted to be a superhero, but he didn’t want to listen to mommy. This leader helped my son understand why, in order to be a superhero, you have to be strong, and you have to listen.
If you don’t know, I’m extremely sensitive; I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m frustrated, I cry because I don’t know what’s wrong, cry. Well, as you can imagine, that night I cried for about twenty minutes on our car ride home. I had an onslaught of different emotions that came pouring out through my tears. Part of it was pride. My ego was bruised because someone saw that I didn’t have it all together. The other part was thankfulness that someone took the time to point out an issue that I tend to overlook. Lastly, I cried because I was frustrated. Soon, the pity party began. I heard that faint whisper of, “Why me? Why did I have to be a single mom; why did my son have trouble listening; why is my family dysfunctional; why… why me.” Then, my thoughts grew uglier. The thoughts that say, you’ll never have a husband who’s willing to put up with you and your son.
I was spent. When we finally got home, I did what I do. I dried my tears. I put my mommy face on and marched my son straight to bed; no bath, no snack, no book, not today. He went straight to bed because I was over it. He eventually went to sleep, and I fell asleep next to him.
Yesterday was dreadful. But, those are the days we need. Those are the days I need to remind me that I’m not in control. In fact, my heavenly Father is in control, although the lies of the enemy would try to tear down my worth. When the enemy says that I’m not worthy of a healthy relationship because I don’t have it together, God says the exact opposite. He says, “I’m sending people to help you.” He says, “Your doing good. Keep running.” He says, “Be teachable and learn from others.” He says, “You are my daughter, and I have a plan.” He says, “I love you, and I love your son.”
I needed that leader to step in and tell me that it’s not ok. It was time for me to stop ignoring my son’s behavior issues. I tend to just deal with whatever happens, instead of taking the time to explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m learning. With time, it’ll all work out. Therefore, be encouraged. I know it gets hard sometimes, but God is pruning us. The stretch is often uncomfortable, but worth it in the end.
